Quote:
- Jim: [after Andy pushes Dwight into the bushes with his Prius] Dwight, are your legs broken?
- Dwight: No, my right one's falling asleep a little bit
Quote:
- Meredith: I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.
Quote:
- Dwight: What weapon?
- Andy: My bare hands.
- Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
- Andy: Then I'll get something too.
Quote:
- Michael: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't know where it's going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
Quote:
- David: What are you doing right?
- Michael: Right What
- David: Uttica, Albany, all the other branches are struggling, but your branch is reporting strong numbers. Look, you're not our most traditional guy but clearly something you are doing is right and I need to get
some sense of what that is.
- Michael: David, here it is. My philisophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have and I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone...for any reason ever no matter what. No matter where or who or who you were with or where you are going or...where you've been. Ever. For any reason whatsoever.
Quote:
- Andy: Just answer the question: Are you sleeping with Dwight?
- Angela: A little bit...
Quote:
- Dwight: Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season.
There are 40 rules all Shrute boys must learn before the age of 5. [sings] Learn your rules, you better
learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! Hah!
Quote:
- Michael: Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by [uses deep voice] Chief Financial Officer David
Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And to be perfectly honest, I have little
or no idea what that means...probably bad.
Quote:
- Michael: What the hell was that?
- Phyllis: It's the only gavel I could find...
- Michael: It squeaks when you bang it...that's what she said!
Quote:
- Darryl: Mike gave me a list of his top 10 Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman Fast Car and, my personal favorite, Short People.
Quote:
- Andy: [to Angela] One day we're going to move to Disney's Celebration village in Florida and leave all of this behind.
Quote:
- Michael: In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me
I'll know for sure.
Quote:
- Stanley: I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins too. I have swollen ankles, I'm constantly hungry. You think my nipples don't get sore too? You think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
Quote:
- Michael: It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it.
It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is...it's so unnatural, but it...it...happens.
Quote:
- Michael: Is this it? I mean is this...two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis?
I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken,
we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower.
Well you know what? Where's my golden shower Phyllis.